June 28, 2016

Do you ever have a weekend of bad dietary decisions and then dread the scale in order to face the music?  That was basically me this morning!  I had made homemade pizza this weekend…four of them.  So of course we had pizza for two days for my family of six and enough to send with my husband on a business trip for an on-the-road snack.  Granted…my pizza does not include meat or cheese, it is still delicious and it is still hard to just have two slices.  Two pizza’s had just sauce, pineapple, and olives.  The other two were Mexican style with refried beans, then we added the lettuce, toms and hot sauce after they came out of the oven.  Good stuff!  It was not really a good idea for me to have or make though in terms of my plans to not overeat.  However, what am I going to do?  Not ever eat pizza again?!  No, that is not what I want or desire.  I have to try to practice moderation. 

Then there was last night…I got home with five kids in tow from a hot hour and half in the summer sun for one of my kiddos soccer practice.  All of the kids were spent!  They did not have much tolerance for anything after the sun exposure became too much. 

So what did I do?  I of course did exactly what I try not to do.  I used food to improve moral.  Remember that ice cream that a friend had graciously brought over because Ben & Jerrys makes vegan friendly ice cream now?  Well I have been bothered by it lately.  I open the freezer and there they are.  When I get my frozen berries for smoothies, I see ice cream.  I don’t want to see ice cream, because I don’t want to eat it.  Anyways…I figured that I could get two birds with two stones.  “Hey kids- stop fighting and I will let you watch a show and have ice cream when we get home!” 

Well, my children are my children, so it totally worked- they were thrilled!  I did not have a serving, but I took a few small bites as I was dishing them up.  I looked at the label- 200 calories per half cup and most of that is fat derived nutrients.  UGH!  Not worth it, to over-indulge…BUT my few tiny bites were enough to keep any deprived feeling or guilt at bay. 

Anyways, I was sure all the pizza and ice cream late in the evening could only mean one thing- weight gain.  So I bucked up and faced the music and weighed.  I am still 144 pounds!  It’s a miracle…actually it is not a miracle.  It means my body weight has stabilized and it is ready to lose weight again if I do the work consistently, not just during the week or every other day.  In fact that is probably why I have been wanting naughty foods or have been tempted to not continue my plan towards BMI health.  Our bodies have worked hard to store all our fat and our plan to reduce fat percentage and sabatage the innate, biological survival tools creates a cognitive war with food.  

So, today is a new day!  I love saying that- I feel so full of hope and inspiration when I think of it.  I ran 2.5 miles this morning.  My hip is not punishing me.  I have eaten oatmeal with a banana, soy milk, and brown sugar for breakfast.  Not too bad…not too good either.  Anyways, I am pretty sure I will have a diet I can be proud of today because I am inspired and thankful I did not gain weight.  Time to move on.  I can’t wait to say goodbye to the 140’s and hello to a healthy BMI.  For the first time since HS, by the way…life is good!

June 21, 2016

Well, if anyone has read my posts throughout this process, you surely know that I have pretty much dropped off my regular posting aspect of this journey.  That did not reflect on my personal behavior or choices…aside from the last few days that is.  Ugh…my family went out of town to stay at a cabin for Father’s Day weekend.  It was very nice!  We curled up, built a fire, (yes it was raining and storming in June) and I was starving when we arrived so I ate…and I ate…and then ate.  Well maybe not the third “ate” but it sure feels like it!

We brought veggies & hummus, salsa, chips, and supplies for tostadas (refried beans, lettuce , fresh homemade salsa, etc).  I ate too much dinner and then later I watched my family eat this store boughten cake…it was huge and loaded.  Usually this type of thing does not bother me, but for whatever reason, I really wanted a piece of that cake.  Thankfully it was not vegan friendly. 

Even though I did not have any cake, the cake indeed did its damage.  I found myself rummaging around the kitchen to look for something sweetish to compensate.  This was ridiculous.  I was still full from dinner.  The next day (Sunday) I matched that big tostada dinner… for lunch.  I was so full after lunch, I said to myself I would just have a smoothie for dinner and my calorie count would not be too high.  However, I was forgetting the fact that we were meeting family for dinner that evening. 

So this weekend was filled with my all-time favorite food (Mexican food) matched with a lack of self-control.  I went to bed Sunday feeling miserable and somehow still wanting more food.  Has anyone else ever done that?  Although I know I did not try to do anything necessary.  Our brains are wired to reinforce the behavior of eating- especially when it is yummy, naughty food (sugar, fat, and oils do the job).

Even when I woke up Monday morning, my belly felt big and I felt unhealthy; overall I would say I felt like crud.  So, what do you think I did about it?  Of course I ate my Mexican food leftovers for lunch and made the same mistake three days in a row of eating to a point of discomfort. 

There is light at the end of this tunnel.  The good news is that I have not overate for three days in a row for a really long time and guess what?  I remembered that I really do not care for it at all.  I did not like the way I felt and even my favorite food in the world can be my worst enemy when I feel like garbage from eating too much of it three days in a row.  I may be slow, but I learn! 

Today’s diet:

Breakfast- 243	Lunch- 246	Dinner- 338
1 piece of Dave’s Killer Bread w/ peanut butter and honey on it (probably the equivalent of a loaded baked potato in the world of toast)!	Half cucumber w/ hummus 1 smoothie made w/ banana, strawberries, blueberries, spinach, and organic lemonaid	1 cup rice 1 cup steamed veggies

This is about 857 calories total…this is what I need to do!   Lately, I am going slightly astray since my body seems to have settled and plateaued at 144-145 pounds.  How many times have a requested this?- Wish me luck, the last ten pounds to a healthy BMI feels like a mountain I have to climb and in cold weather...and I highly dis-like being cold!

One final note…since it has been a while…I have to say this is quite empowering!  I forgot what a great role blogging has played into my success.  I feel better, in control and with a plan.